Love, Pain, Devotion, Fear, etc...

I have gone through all the stages of love (pain, devotion, love, lust, fear, etc…) and I finally come to an end. It may not be as I planned it; but that’s love, unpredictable.

You are the end of a path that I took, because you showed it to me. You just told me “go that way” and I went and I found you. Just the funny ways of love. No, it might not be the right anything, but I love you. See, when I took mi first step, you had just saved me from my past. I followed the path and I found what I thought was true love; it wasn’t. I don’t know what it was, but not love, I wasn’t truly in love. It was just a shadow. Then I ended up going all along the crooked way. I fell for sin, I fell for what I will always fall .I almost touched the bottom, I almost fell to the well, I almost sealed my fate. But there were you agian, showing me the way.

And I found that I loved you. I saw me trying to stop you from leaving, I saw you there by my side, playing like little kids, I saw our game and I understood it. You took my heart that day, you took it. I didn’t know then, but you did. All I knew back then was that I felt something for you, but it never occured to me it was love. now I know.

So one evening I found my self loving you madly. You were in my dreams, you were in my eyes when I woke up. Every word we shared, every laugh, every tear, it was, and it is gold to me. But how was I going to tell you. See, I know I am the son and the heir of a shyness that is criminaly vulgar. I have always known. And you, the godess, the light. I kept the feelings for me. I wrote to you, I shouted that I loved someone, but I never said whom. But now you know. I know you know.

And, well, you know what I told you, you know what I feel. And it was beautifuly arrenged by the cosmic simphony. I know there could have been better ways, but not more beautiful. And still I dare not write your name. But I’m confident you know that I love you. And maybe you have stolen too many hours of sleep and work. Maybe you have stolen too many words of love. I don’t care. I love it when you do it. I love your just you, I love all the things that you are.

And here it is, just love, still seems kind of impossible. Pure, bigger than this universe, just love. All kinds of love, love of everykind. It is better than a dream. Or maybe it is a dream come true. You see, because you told me you love me. That is greater than heaven. Even if you do it only once.

I am a fire bird, and I’m bidding you to run free, to do whatever you want to do. I’ll be there, right beneath the stars, waiting for you. It is funny, I thought I could never shout to the world that I love you and here I am not doing it, just telling the world that I love. And once the beautiful eyes of you have gone through this, the rest of the world won’t matter. So world, be fast, be quick, you’ll never know when she’ll get here, when you will stop spinning.

I love you, I guess I have told you many times, but I love you. Wait, just one more time today. I love you.

Frstated Monday Morning...

For most of us, our days often start with the regular snooze of cribbing sessions, days when you crib about your personal, professional & social life and everything else you can possibly think of. It was one of those days...my day begun with the irritating sound of the alarm pushing me right off the bed. I had overslept and was already late for work. My house was in a mess, the maid hadn't turned up, I could not find my favorite black shirt that I had to wear for some strange reason and I was having a bad hair day...

It was a frosty Monday morning and I was stuck in a huge traffic Jam. A feeling of frustration, depression and irritation had crept within me. Everything around me bothered me...the sound of the honking cars, the chilly breeze blowing across my face and the ugly green shirt I was wearing...

My thoughts were disturbed and my cribbing session disrupted when a young girl walked up to my scootret. Though I tried to shoo her away, she stayed, trying hard to remove the frost, stuck to my windows. She would have been of six or seven years of age and her hair was tied up in a clumsy bun. She wore a torn, brown frock and from what she wore, it looked as though she didn't realize that winters were still not over... She looked pale...but a tinge of colour was added by her smile.

Her eyes had a strange depth in them, a depth that disturbed me. The signal had changed to green. The sound of engine and horns from the vehicle brought me back. The noise scared her a little too...She jumped back to the pavement...back to her friends...her smile remained...I looked back and she waved at me, her smile remained refusing to fade away...

I got back to work...thinking about the little girl I had met a few minutes ago and going through my regular doze of mails...I could hear someone fighting for an edit bay...and somebody else screaming that their computer had just crashed...

Work to Live, but don’t Live to Work

The clocked ticked 6'o clock and, one of these days, I arranged my desk, packed up my bag, got up from my seat and started walking towards the exit gate of my office.

Though I tried my best but could not avoid the attention of the people around. Actually, how could I have? - (except for being 'Mr. India') - with me sitting almost towards the end, making me cross the entire office before reaching the door. My colleagues started staring at me with multiple face expressions & one thousand questions on their faces - and in the end one of them could not resist asking "Hey! Half day today?"

"Half day? It is 6'o clock dear. Time to go home as per our office hours and I have some work also outside".

"Oh! I never knew this!" she answered sarcastically with a witty smile on her face (as if I was doing a crime!).

For a moment, I thought of going and asking the boss - to leave at 'this hour'. But, giving it a re-thought, started marching towards the door - this time toying with my cell phone so as to avoid looking at others'faces and any further questions (though many seemed to have the similar urge). Carefully avoiding the last glance at my boss's cabin I, somehow, crossed the area but could not help encountering the guard with a smile on his face, a cursory glance at his wrist-watch and an obvious question - "Aaj jaldi jaa rahen hain?" (You are going home early today?) With no replies, started waiting for the lift. The regular liftman looked me from top-to-bottom but, thankfully, did not embarrass me with another 'unanswerable' question.

Fortunately, with no further encounters and explanations, I could get out of the office. Being the summers, the sun was quiet strong at 'this hour' and I had to walk to a distance for my parked Scooter.

Felt somewhat different with exit in almost bright daylight. If I could recollect, it was after quiet a while since I witnessed the 'evening sunlight'on a 'working' day! (with a relatively free after-office mind of-course)

As I was walking, the things 'actually' looked very different. Could feel the audacious structure of the building where I worked. (Never knew the fountains worked in the evening!) The roads were bright, so was the crowd.

I kept walking towards the parking slot. Needless to mention, looking at me the parkingwala was surprised as well as slightly angry as my scooter was parked in the end and he had to work a lot to show me the way to exit.

The street-food sellers had their busy slot and how I could have missed my favorite 'Bhel Poori'.

Turned my vehicle on the road. Actually, had no work - so towards the home. 'Switched-on' and 'switched-off' my head light. Though I thought otherwise, the traffic at 'this hour' was relatively lesser. As against around 30 minutes - 45 minutes, it took me less than 15 minutes to reach NIFT Collage.

There was good crowd around - Hardly knew that our area was so busy at this time! The evening meeting of the NIFT students was 'on'. Looking at me - my neighbors were surprised.

With feeling of being less tired, I could flip few pages of a book. Could watch some television. Had quality chat with my roomie. Patiently ate my dinner, and could read again before sleeping. It was really a wonderful & welcome change from the everyday hectic and late coming schedules; instilling a feeling of momentary joy & happiness in my mind.

Many people often ask me "Why do you come so late everyday?" "Do you really work till this hour?" "You have a very difficult routine, how do you manage?" I try to explain the pressures & the workload. Try to justify my routine. But, sometime I have no logical answers!

Sitting late in the offices has actually become a trend or rather a fashion (or someone can say a compulsion) nowadays. Interestingly, it is not with few but many of us. This developing and ever growing trend leaves us with many important thoughts. Either most of our workplaces are understaffed and we are bound to work for late hours for completing our day jobs or alternately it has become a trend (or a habit or a fashion) to sit till late hours and slog. Someone can argue - we have no choice but to work till late hours to run ahead of everyone.

We all are running. Running harder. Running faster - faster than time probably. But, sadly, in this rat race of careers, promotions, increments, money, and faster growth et al. we seem to have forgotten our own identities. Our own personal priorities. Our own interests. Rather ourselves! We are so awfully engrossed in our cubicles that - perhaps - we seem to be slowly forgetting the fun & the joys of this 'Work to Live, but don’t live to work'

Adventurous trip with non-adventurous ppl...

Day 1…

Hurray, we ended it finally…

I can shout it was adventurous, funny and exploratory but at the same time it was painful too… That was a gr8 trek we will never hav ny more…
It was completely unexpected plan, but we executed it in a gud style with lot of dynamic decisions…

Plan was proposed on Friday 29th Dec 2006 by our parasite deva, and we made all the preparations and took all the measures with in a day… for 30th Dec SAKLESHPURA TRIP…

Planned members were Deva, Ravi, Robin, Pradeep, Ajay and Satish [lucent]… But due to some fitness problems [throat pain and viral fever] we missed a partaker, even though we fail to see him physically, we had a gr8 time pass with his fitness problems recollection there. He is none other than Francis.., Ajay Francis…

Here we start with a member lost team… Deva, Ravi, Robin, Pradeep and Satish [lucent]…

We started here on 30th Dec night @ 11:00 PM… the trio Pradeep, Robin and Ravi has come on track with quails from office and picked up the duo Deva and Satish @ our major flyover of Bengalooru [hebbal].

We started to sakleshpura at that nighttime… We had dinner @ one local five star hotel… Menu was thatte idly and paratha… And when it comes to bill question, we have preferred our arranger Deva as our CFO for this trip. [Now his responsibility has grown up… Organizer+CFO]

We had gr8 combination of Water, Miranda and 8PM whisky, which was proposed by Pradeep… and at last no body was able to sip it completely.

Lately every body had given rest to their body and had a nap in cab. It was a gr8 drive for driver while every body was resting, at the same time Lord Shiva has come into drivers’ imaginings and raised him to take all of us to dharmastala…

Continued……………………………

DAY 2:

Day 2…

It was 31st Dec morning 6’O clock, we landed at some place where no body knows where we were… our driver yogesh has waked up all of us and requested us to go for temple visit. We were shocked and asked the place name and he whispered it was dharmastala [where it was not there in our trek plan]. We compromised our self and we took back our way to sakleshpura.

While on the way back, we stopped @ gundya and fought for change of plan execution. Som ppl spoke out by expressing their will to go for MANGALORE[its near], and som argue for trek… finally we made it up with trek…

We started trekking @ gundya, its 3.5 KM’s of mountain trek and from there we get a railway track which will take us to edukumare after 14 KM’s of march.

We started trking the mountain, it was almost 1KM and our trekking champ Pradeep is almost losing the race… Even though he’s not carrying any luggage, he lost his pace and opted for a juice and glucose…

There after we reached railway track, hmmm simply to say we did not march on railway track, we did trek on track. Has to cross so many tunnels and railway bridges… Started with gud tempo, but slowly our liveliness in our trek has come down… juice, sprite and water bottles we stored for booze were over…

Best part of this trek was bridges. They were very dangerous to walk on them… located at very hieight, some different sounds will come when we walk on that, grease is applied to their bars, and if train passes by that way we were not having space to stand aside, Outta all these hurdles we crossed and we did it. Most hilarious part of this bridge cross-over was the way Pradeep walked all the way… his legs were a parted, his full concentration was on bars of bridge only… I think he has almost all gave up his life and crossed all the bridges… Ny ways we did it at last.

While we were rallying on railway track, we saw some couples who has come for that journey and were almost Outta control and oomph. They were walking with four legs but with a solo body. [Gentleman doesn’t have common sense to bring their better half to this kinda place].

We reached edukumare @ 5:00 PM and we rested there for some time. Then an old man has helped out route to road. We have to trek down the mountain of around 4 KM and we need to cross some rivers and lakes. Here we started and its almost 2 KM we reached small water fall… We need to cross that. [best thing is no body bathed on that day]

Robin: Hay, I feel like taking bath here…

Next moment: He slipped there and fell down in water… and he’s almost wet… [He took bath as per his hope]

Deva’s comment: Gud parking man, Robin

Next moment: Deva has fell down in water… [ppl giggles]

Satish: Gud parking Deva…

We moved from there, robin was fully wet and he was irritated to go ahead with that dress. Here comes the witty part, Pradeep’s woodland sandals…

Pradeep about woodland: How ever you use WOODLAND, nothing will happen to them…

The moment he crossed the water falls, his sandals were completely wet and those were slipping. He lost his pace completely.

It was getting dark. We took a break there, robin changed his bath costume [wet dress]. We generated energy our self and started wit gud pace and we reached a river for 400 mtrs…

Desc of this river are as follows…

1. Cannot swim [Water level is not as much as]
2. No transport medium
3. Cannot walk [it was completely slippery]
4. Cannot take support of hand.

Outta all these troubles, we cross the river with bare foot and no other support… Ppl were irritated and they are no more ready to do any thing more. By gods loveliness, we reached road from there with in 20 feet.

We were on road, we sat and started worried about transport… Pradeep and Robin had a fag. Deva and satish started giving some work to their mind about transport and ravi is neutral. Tried to stop so many cabs and lorries, no use. Unexpectedly, robin saw a cab which is at low pace, and finally recognized the cab and driver is of ours and tried to put his high-pitched voice to stop the cab, Ravi and Pradeep has noticed the same and they too started making noise about it. Finally we were in cab…

Mangalore is of 2 hrs from there and we started to move there. We all had a small nap on the way… We reached mangalore and we tried to find out a shelter in any near by hotel, but nothing worked out. We moved towards beach. Beach was first time experience for robin and he was much exited to b there. We had some fun there and we moved into town again to catch some restaurant to stop gurgling feeling with bubbly sound coming from small intestine.

At last we entered into pallki restaurant which has combination of dancing floor and restaurant. Our CFO Deva has tried to get best deal financially for dancing floor, but was not able to do it… very bad at his part…

We entered restaurant, we had dinner and finally we celebrated our new year there in that restaurant…

We left mangalore and started to moving towards dharmastala…

Continued………………………………………………